A TALE OF SELF SABOTAGE
I remember that “The exploding boy” was a nickname I gave myself at 15, even then I was aware of my strange desire for self sabotage.
I always found myself involved in these little games.
I would do 85-95% of a task and then purposefully not show up for the last part, I would find something more interesting, or decide it wasn’t for me or sometimes I would genuinely feel unwell.
Every report card/parents evening was the same “Has all the potential and intelligence in the world but gets too easily distracted”.
Looking back I think this was by design.
The way I saw myself, I was not deserving of success. I was meant to work hard and struggle and eventually fail.
When I got to that last 5% my brain panicked. It didn’t know who we were in that 5%, we know we are safe and alive (even if miserable) in the 95% so let's stay there, we better do something to stop us getting into that 5%.
This is why so many of us are struggling to get unstuck from how we see ourselves. We are scared of the possibility of change.
If you can sit today and picture “Who would I have to be and show up as in order to live in my 5%?” Once you can map this person out, if you start living from that place, as this person, then I can say with certainty that you will start defeating this 5% easily.
Sometimes it can all just change when we shift our perspective of who we are.